dillinger

This weekend can shove it.

I can’t transform into the lover you need or want me to be. I can only be who I always have been all along. I love what we are together, but you can only deny the truth for so long before it gnaws on your bones and your joints ache from the burden. I grit my teeth and tell you the words that needed to be said. I place my lips on yours because it fills the void of words not coming to me in this moment. Glass skull filled with stagnant water and flakes of nostalgia: You’ve agitated my complacency and once the static settles, ill have changed my mind.

No matter what or who we become, ill always remember you and remember this. When I wash my hands and realize they smell like your hair ill find myself crying in a bathroom years later when we’re different people. Smell is tied to memory and your name to my lips.

Exactly what I needed.

Travel has always been a reset button for me. Not thinking about work for longer than 2 days. Not feeling rushed or obligated. Living with a sense of purpose, with a good helping of leisure feels great. Photo ideas came to me naturally this morning. No anxiety, no second guessing. The way it always has.

I love the air here, I love the buildings, and the history. The more I think about it, I could live here, but I still enjoy the bay area and sunshine too much.